From the course: Banish Your Inner Critic to Unleash Creativity

Transform envy

From the course: Banish Your Inner Critic to Unleash Creativity

Transform envy

- When we experience despair from envy and we define ourselves as failures in light of another's success, then we're experiencing the inner critic in the form of comparison syndrome. Many people use the words envy and jealousy interchangeably, but they are actually two distinct emotions. We experience jealousy when we're afraid of losing someone to a perceived rival. Jealousy is always about the relationships between three people. We experience envy when we feel someone else has got something that should rightfully be ours, but we're afraid that we didn't get it because we are deficient in some way. When the inner critic shows up in this form, our envy shackles our creativity by making us ignore or discount our talents. However, there is a gift to envy. Envy, like all strong emotions, has the potential to be a great teacher. Your envy is a message from your psyche showing you a deep desire that you many not have acknowledged. Here is a creative exercise called opportunity model. Now you may look at people that you envy as role models, putting them up on a pedestal and making their accomplishments seem unattainable. But now instead, make them your opportunity model, a person who shows you that what you desire is actually possible for you to achieve, as well as a potential way to do so. Here are three steps that you can use to transform the envy of the success of others into a source of inspiration for your own success. Step One: Self-soothe. When you find yourself going into a comparison downward spiral, stop and shift into self-compassion and employ active self-soothing. For example, if you find yourself thinking something like, "I'm such a loser. "Why don't I have more followers on Instagram "like my friend Jerry?" You can soften it by telling yourself soothing messages instead. For an added bonus, talk to yourself in the third person and use your first name. For example, you could say, "Zach, I know you're working as hard as you can "to increase your social reach. "Maybe you can get Jerry to give you some pointers." Step Two: Acknowledge. Give the person the same consideration that you would like for yourself. Recognize and acknowledge all of the incredibly hard work that has gone on behind the scenes of their highlight reel, their aggravations, their setbacks, their failures, and yes, even dealing with their own inner critic. Step Three: Learn. Learn from your opportunity model's achievements and their path to success. What steps has this person taken to achieve their success? Are there parts of their process that you can replicate to achieve success for yourself? You can use these tools to learn from your envy, to extend compassion and understanding, and ultimately, reverse comparison syndrome by transforming envy into motivation.

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