Learn how to apply the Rosenberg Reset formula to experience and move through difficult feelings by "surfing" short-lived bodily sensation waves.
- Most of us have never been directly taught how to handle unpleasant feelings. So learning how people experience feelings, and the approximate length that they last, helped me develop what I call the Rosenberg Reset. Now, the reset is a strategy that helps you more fully lean into unpleasant feelings. And this Rosenberg Reset is based on one simple formula, and it's one choice, eight feelings, 90 seconds. Here's how I think about it. First, if you could make the one choice to stay aware of, and in touch with, as much of your moment to moment experience as possible, and you are willing to experience, and move through one or more of eight unpleasant feelings, then you can face, and or pursue whatever you need to in life. Second, in any given situation you experience, and move through, whichever of the eight unpleasant feelings that have surfaced. Again, let me repeat them, They're sadness, helplessness, vulnerability, disappointment, shame, anger, embarrassment, and frustration. Third, you experience and move through these unpleasant feelings by writing one or more 90 second waves of bodily sensations. Now, here's the fascinating thing about feelings, and I loved learning this. We tend to identify what we feel emotionally, based on the sensations that we feel in our bodies first. Just think for example of embarrassment, and with it, they heat that you feel in your neck and going up into your face. So when you try to distract from the physical sensations in your body, it becomes much more difficult to know what you were feeling on an emotional level. Generally speaking then, you will tend to know your feelings, your emotional feelings, through these bodily sensations first, before you can describe them with words, like being sad, or angry, or frustrated, and it's not that you don't really want to feel what you feel emotionally. In fact, I think you want to feel the full range of what you feel emotionally, because it's those feelings that bring that sense of a liveliness. Instead, you want to separate yourself from the uncomfortable, bodily sensations that let you know what you are feeling emotionally. That's where the problem lies. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscientist, and the author of the book "My Stroke of Insight" suggests that when an emotion such as anger is triggered, biochemicals released by your brain surge through your body, and activate bodily sensations like blushing, or heat at the back of your neck, or heaviness in your chest. Then within roughly 90 seconds, they're flushed out of your bloodstream. So think of it, that is less than half a song. And think of this biochemical rush and flush as a bodily sensation wave. So just like this, and as these chemicals are completely flushed out of your bloodstream, and the physiological feeling subside, it feels like that wave has passed. Now you may have to experience one or more waves of any given feeling or feelings, but it doesn't matter, no matter how well, no matter how overwhelming it might be in the moment, those feeling waves are actually temporary. So what do you do to handle difficult feelings then? When you notice you're feeling reaction, breathe, breathe into the feeling so you can experience it rather than shut it down. And also, so you can gain the insights as they come, and as if you're on the ocean, ride or surf these short-lived bodily sensation waves until they subside, then pause for a moment and reflect. See if you can identify what really triggered your reaction. If it was an event, a memory of thought, then, later you can determine whether any decisions, or actions should follow.
- Understanding difficult feelings
- Defining grief
- Dealing with loss and change
- Supporting grieving colleagues
- Returning to work