Fred Kofman |
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
It is precisely when listening is most important … that you want to listen the least.
In my brand new Lynda.com course Managing Conflict, I show you how to approach personal and professional conflicts in a way that helps both sides find a satisfying resolution.
But the first step toward resolving any conflict is listening.
To resolve a difficult conversation, you and your counterpart need to understand one another and find common ground—and that requires listening.
But when your counterpart confronts you with a different point of view, you feel threatened. If he is right, then you are wrong. He must be wrong so that you can be right. The last thing you want to do is to listen to him!
And your counterpart feels threatened in the same way.
To de-escalate the conflict, you must first control your impulse to argue. That requires a deep breath and act of will.
Second, you have to listen—really listen. I show you how to do this in my Managing Conflict course. Are you genuinely curious? Do you have space inside your mind for your their perspective? Listening will feel like a waste of time unless you hold your view lightly. Why bother if you already know?!
Finally, you have to prove to the other person that you are listening. Here’s how you do that:
When you get home, ask a family member or a friend to tell you how his or her life is going. Listen empathetically following the guidelines above. Let us know how it goes!
Check out my new Lynda.com course Fred Kofman on Managing Conflict to learn more.
Fred Kofman, Ph.D. in Economics, is Vice President at LinkedIn. Follow his Conscious Business Program at Conscious Business Friends.
Tags: Conflict Management, Fred Kofman, Influencer, Leadership
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