Overcome the three drivers which will hold you back: Be Perfect, Hurry Up, and Please Others. They are fine in moderation but not when too dominant. How much time does a task deserve? Force yourself to slow down. You have the right to pursue your goals—look after number one.
- There are three habits, usually known as personality drivers, which hold you back from being successful. They're known as drivers rather than habits because they're so deeply ingrained that they control most of our behavior without us even noticing. There are times when these drivers are useful, positively good, but the key is to make sure they don't get out of hand. They are habits and they can be broken, or at least steadily reduced if you put pressure on them and push back against them.
Let's have a quick look at all three of them and with each one, we'll look at how to push back against it. First up is be perfect. The little voice in your head that says that bit there isn't quite right. You need to spend a bit more time fiddling with that. I think you can immediately see why this one will reduce your chances of success. You'll spend too long on things that are not important and you may not even start because you're still waiting to get 100% of the information, which of course you'll never have.
The treatment for be perfect is to first recognize that you have it and then to set yourself time limits for tasks. What is that task worth? How important is it really? And to tell yourself if I leave that little bit there like that, it won't kill me. In fact, I will leave it as part of my therapy to prove to myself that I can beat my be perfect driver. It'll take a bit of time and it won't be easy, but you can push it back and you must if you're gonna move forward and get big things done.
Next is hurry up, the voice in your head that says, come on, you're wasting time! Do two things at once and get them finished as quick as you can. On the face of it, this looks like quite a good driver for success, but actually it can be quite a problem because you might tend to focus on the many small jobs where you feel like you're making lots of progress, instead of taking on the slower, bigger, more important, longer-term planning type jobs and the hurry up driver might make you spend too little time on these important things.
The therapy is to force yourself to slow down, to say I'm gonna take a whole hour out to ponder this question and I won't do anything else apart from ponder. Third and final is the please others driver, the voice that says, what will everyone think of me if I do this? You can see that this one can definitely be a barrier to success. Of course, in moderation it's great to think about the feelings of others, but if please others gets too dominant, it leads to excessive worrying about what other people might think, to the point where you don't do anything for fear of upsetting someone.
People with please others struggle to ask for favors or to do anything that will be unpopular with anyone. The problem is that everything is gonna be unpopular with someone, so they have difficulty saying no, difficulty ending working relationships, sometimes even difficultly telling the truth to other people. The therapy for please others, if you feel that it's getting out of hand, is to focus on your goals and to tell yourself that you deserve to achieve what you want.
You have rights, just as other people do, and you can stand up for those rights. You can't please all the people all the time. If you think you may have an excessive amount of one of more of these three drivers, then good luck with gradually pushing it back to a reasonable level. It'll take some time and some effort, but it'll be worth it.