Tools for authentic connection

- I literally landed in San Francisco yesterday and I was taking an Uber, I was talking to someone who was sharing the cab with me about self-care, turned out she'd published a book, right? And that kind of like sparked this thing in me. What really helps us connect is finding that one point where we have a common story, where we have a common bond. Once we have that, that establishes trust, it's like you and me have this point in time where we share the journey, whatever that could be, and once you have that, you can trace it backwards, you can trace it forwards, but you at least feel like we're on the same page. On the other hand and this comes back to why you're doing the connection in the first place, if you're trying to connect to people because they're a professional network, then you don't have to care about like knowing them It's easy to pull something out and like connect when the other person of the environment makes you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. And introverts are usually kind of folks who keep to themselves because they're not yet feeling comfortable about the environment you're in. Most of us and believe me, even after two decades I get anxiety, like if I'm in a room full of 1,000 people, I'm going to be like hey, wallflower, where's the closest exit and can I hang out there? We all do it, so first thing you need to know it's totally normal to be anxious, right, and just breathe and embrace it and enjoy yourself. Learn, watch, observe, it's party time you can look around. you can look around. Second is when you want to like first make a communication Second is when you want to like first make a communication attempt with somebody, one, do your research. Look at the people, understand what they're there for, what they're passionate about, have something that you can authentically say hey, I took the time to learn about you and I'd like to talk to you, keep that in the back of your mind. Second, look for smaller opportunities around the bigger event. Most conferences, most communities know this. They will literally have networking mixers, they will have speaker dinners, they will have like breakout sessions, right? And more often than not they might even have and some conferences do this really well, they might even have a service whereby you can sign up to say this is my first time at the conference, could you pair me up with an attendee? Find someone who is either as introverted as you or the exact opposite, right? A lot of folks who are seasoned networkers A lot of folks who are seasoned networkers understand that they were new once. understand that they were new once. So use some of those options. So use some of those options. If all else fails, right, take a little bit If all else fails, right, take a little bit of courage into your own hands and go stand of courage into your own hands and go stand when there's like hey, Q&A with the speaker, when there's like hey, Q&A with the speaker, because remember this, a speaker who comes, because remember this, a speaker who comes, especially if you're talking about connecting especially if you're talking about connecting with speakers, a speaker who comes to the conference, with speakers, a speaker who comes to the conference, their value literally doesn't come from them their value literally doesn't come from them being on the stage, 'cause that can get taped, being on the stage, 'cause that can get taped, their value comes from the interaction with the audience. their value comes from the interaction with the audience. So when you feel afraid, know that they get So when you feel afraid, know that they get more out of talking to you than not knowing more out of talking to you than not knowing that you had questions, right? that you had questions, right? This is what makes all speakers wonderfully This is what makes all speakers wonderfully feel fulfilled about it, so know that feel fulfilled about it, so know that and take your courage into your hands and try it once. and take your courage into your hands and try it once. But most importantly, don't stress yourself about it. But most importantly, don't stress yourself about it. Life is really long. Life is really long. If you didn't make a contact in every place you enter, If you didn't make a contact in every place you enter, it's okay, that doesn't matter, but focus it's okay, that doesn't matter, but focus on what you can learn, right? on what you can learn, right? Even if you sit there and just observe Even if you sit there and just observe what happens around you, observe how other people engage. what happens around you, observe how other people engage. Try to emulate that. Try to emulate that. You can always learn from every situation. You can always learn from every situation.