A common saying is that “trust takes a long time to build, but seconds to break". Building trust with a protégé is key to relationship. In this video, you will find four steps to build a foundation of trust between you and your protégé.
- If I had to choose one quality that I've learned from research that makes or breaks a mentoring relationship, trust wins the prize. In my research, I found that trust is about loyalty, it is about being vulnerable by sharing what is sacred, secret, and potentially damaging. In the words of my interviewee, the former U.S. Treasurer Rosario Marin, you can always tell how much another person trusts you by the amount of damage you can inflict on them.
You see this at the White House, in the sense that the people who can damage you the most are very close to you. But how do you actually develop the crucial quality of trust in a mentoring relationship. In this video, we will discuss how you can develop and maintain trust with your protegee through the three Ds, dialogue, diagnosis, and delivering on promises. The first D is dialogue. Have the conversation about trust with your protegee.
Dialogue about what trust is, and what it means to each of you. Ask questions of your protegee, and share your own experiences. Be prepared to role model vulnerability when you share your experiences. You can begin with conversational starters like Who betrayed your trust, and what happened? What patterns do you see, and what can you learn from these experiences? What do you expect from me, as your mentor, in terms of trust? The second D is diagnose.
Help your protegee understand how their own attitudes and behaviors reflect their character and competence. I like to give these diagnosis questions to my protegee before we meet, so he or she has time to reflect on the questions. Don't expect your protegee to be perfect. Again, you need to role model vulnerability as a mentor, and share your own experiences good, bad and ugly. Here are the diagnostic questions.
Who trusts you as a professional or leader? When you have failed, how did you take responsibility for it? What are some promises you made to others at work recently that you kept? Failed to keep? Why? The third D is deliver on your promise. Create a list of expectations that you have for each other around trust. For example, this one is lighthearted, but true. One of my ironclad expectations that my protegee, Rosie, and I have for each other is no posting photos of each other on social media without each other's prior approval.
I will leave you with one last thought about trust that I am paraphrasing from authors Bell and Goldsmith. Trust is the gap between hope and evidence, and expectation and fulfillment. I would add to that, and say as a mentor, everyday you get the chance to close that gap by your actions. So, today make it about trust.
She also offers guidance on building trust and chemistry, providing feedback, and helping your protégé make critical career and work decisions and become resilient in the face of challenges. She also helps you address common obstacles, including a protégé that fails to meet expectations or violates trust, and explains how to gracefully exit the relationship.
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- Building a relationship with your protégé
- Talking and listening with impact
- Giving feedback
- Developing trust
- Setting goals
- Developing your protégé's skills
- Managing mentoring relationships
- Overcoming common obstacles
- How to make time for mentoring