Discover why people are perceived as likable and customize ways to increase your own likeability in order to increase the chance of persuasion.
- People respond not only to the message, but the messenger and that's you. Being likable attracts, being unlikable repels. Don't fake it, find your version of it. First, get in the right mindset about valuing the person and having the opportunity to exercise positive influence and then show it. Demonstrate a positive attitude. Smile more than you frown. Encourage more than criticize. Here's a great mindset tool I learned from a mentor years ago. Just before you show up for an important meeting or presentation say to yourself, "I'm happy to be here and I'm happy to see you." Then, act that way. You're there, after all, to advance your positive purpose. Second, look for similarities and draw attention to them. Similarities in background, experiences, and values tend to have the strongest effect. Also, similarities tend to be more impactful the more rare the commonality. It makes sense right? Being from the same small town is even more connecting than being from the same country. Or liking a particular singer is even more connecting than liking the same style of music. When you do find similarities, look for authentic ways to use inclusive terms like we, us, and our. That subtly and positively reinforces your connection. Third, look for positive qualities and highlight them in a genuine way. Don't fake it and don't kiss up to them, look for something that you genuinely like. You can highlight it without being superficial by framing it as a question. For example, if you admire their perseverance say, "That sounds like a significant ordeal you got through. "How did you manage it?" Fourth, credit them with qualities specifically relevant to advancing your priorities. For example, if you expect someone to be dismissive of your perspective, you can say something like this, "I've heard you're an open minded person "who weighs all the facts," and then continue. That'll spark their associations with being open minded. You bring that quality to the front of their mind and trigger their tendency to act more consistently with that quality. And more generally, keep in mind the two groups of people Oscar Wilde described when he said, "Some cause happiness wherever they go; "others whenever they go." To increase your influence, Wilde's first group is the better place to be. Look for things you like in others and find ways to show up as likable.
- Name a feeling that might inhibit you from inspiration-based influence.
- Explain how to most appropriately balance short-term and long-term results.
- Assess why “pains and gains” is a powerful motivator.
- List the steps of the advice influence technique.
- Identify the first thing you do when using social proof.