The leadership-likability double bind

- Being assertive is an essential leadership skill, but it's a problematic one for women in the workplace. While we expect leaders to command authority and respect and be forthright and clear about their vision, those characteristics have long been associated with masculinity. Since the majority of leaders are men, there's a positive association in our brains that unconsciously connects leadership skills with men and masculinity. Meanwhile, femininity is associated with caring behaviors like being nurturing, supportive, and kind. And while gender norms and the strict masculine-feminine gender binary are certainly becoming relics of the past, all of this can still stir up some unconscious bias within all of us. For the past 30-plus years, social scientists have found that both men and women find assertive women less likeable and often deem them less competent. That's right, women who exhibit this leadership skill are judged more harshly than men for saying and doing the exact same thing. He's called a boss while she's being bossy. He's being powerful while she's being pushy. He's passionate and outspoken, she's shrill and nagging. And perception is a powerful thing in the workplace. It's not just about performance. Promotions, raises, and assignments are doled out based on how your performance is perceived by others. We all know this. Being well-liked and being seen as someone who knows what they're talking about matters. So this unconscious gender bias that permeates our perception leaves women in a double bind. You either risk acting like a leader and being deemed less likeable or being seen as more likeable but perhaps taken less seriously as a leader. Ultimately, once men and women are equally in positions of power and authority, the masculine association with leadership should have less of an impact. But until then, the first step to combating this double bind is to acknowledge its existence. Women can't help but become aware of these double binds since we experience them directly firsthand. So this unconscious gender bias that permeates our perception leaves women in a double bind. You either risk acting like a leader and being deemed less likeable or be seen as more likeable but perhaps taken less seriously as a leader. Ultimately, once men and women are equally in positions of power and authority, the masculine association with leadership should have less of an impact. But until then, the first step to combating this double bind is to acknowledge its existence. Women can't help but become aware of these double binds since we experience them directly firsthand. But for a lot of male colleagues, it's harder to pick up on. Perhaps you notice that when your female colleagues offer a critique, they're seen as being emotional or crazy when compared to a man who offers the same. I hear from countless women who are told by peers and bosses alike to work on their tone or are critiqued for being too harsh when trying to do their jobs. Personally, when I once printed out an agenda for a meeting, I was labeled as intense for bringing extra care and attention to how I was doing my job, and these little labels add up. They can chip away at women's confidence, authority, and sense of belonging. So when we experience these situations, it's on all of us to ask ourselves, would I have the same reaction if a man did or said the same thing, or is it simply my unconscious struggling with the leadership-likeability double bind?