Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant explain the importance of finding joy again after loss. In this video, they share advice for how to give ourselves permission to do what we love and reclaim joy in our lives.
- About four months after Dave died I went to a bar mitzvah, and I was with childhood friends. And one of my friends, Brooke, took me onto the dance floor and we were dancing. And for like a minute it was just amazing, and then I literally burst into tears on the dance floor. At first I didn't know what was wrong. I thought I was missing Dave, but I'd been missing Dave for months and this felt different. And then I realized I had felt happy for one minute. And then I immediately felt so guilty that I felt any happiness, any joy that I just crumbled.
(uplifting music) I told Adam the story about crying on the dance floor, and Adam said, "Of course you're not happy. "It's been four months. "You haven't done a single thing "that would actually make you happy." - So many people struggle with survivor's guilt. When we lose someone close to us, we find ourselves wondering, why wasn't it me? Why couldn't I have saved that person? And I think this is such a natural reaction. I think one of the ways that we deal with it is we take back joy.
For a lot of people, this is about taking back the things that they loved before they lost a loved one or a job and sort of reclaiming and saying, look, I'm going to give myself permission to enjoy these small things. Because happiness is really the frequency of positive experiences, not the intensity. - Adam made another suggestion. He said, "Write down three moments of joy every night." Every night before I go to bed, I write down three moments of joy. And they can be really small.
But what happens is that because I'm noticing those three moments of joy, it makes the whole day more joyful. And I think anyone who's gone through trauma, knowing that it is okay to find joy is so important.
For additional resources and support, check out OptionB.Org, a nonprofit initiative dedicated to helping individuals build resilience in the face of adversity.