Self-care comes in many forms

- [Interviewer] And what are some of the most potent practices there when it comes to building those in advance? - [Interviewee] Well, things that sound like common sense but are not common practice, self care is huge. And, you know, people kept telling me to take care of myself and I thought, well, okay, I'm raising, you know, I got remarried when Evan was nine years old and I was like, "Okay, so I'll go ahead and take a spa day while I'm raising two children and running a full-time business." And, you know, I don't have time for that. And what I learned is that one, self care doesn't have to be a spa day. There are lots of different tools that you can use but it's also not selfish. It's a requirement for resilience. My mom is a flight attendant and she started when she was 51. She was a court reporter for 30 years. And when she was 51, she became a flight attendant. And she turned 70 this June, and she's still doing it. She basically does these great announcements, and the one for the oxygen mask is my favorite. And she says, you know, "In case of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, please place your mask on and then assist your child. And if you're traveling with more than one child, please pick your favorite or the one with the most potential." - [Interviewer] No. - [Interviewee] (laughs) But there's a reason, you know, they tell you to put your mask on first. And, you know, it's nice to think, well, I'll sleep when I'm dead and I don't have time to take care of me, I've got to take care of everybody else, but life has a way of stopping you. Gratitude, mindfulness, humor, social connection, making meaning out of challenging events, values, goals, these are all different tools that you can use to build resilience. And you don't need to use every single one all the time but it's nice to have an arsenal or a toolkit that you can pull from. - [Interviewer] And so then if you're not taking the spa day but you are doing self care, what are the things you found that made a world of difference when you did them? - [Interviewee] So I was diagnosed with depression when I was 19 years old. And every doctor, every therapist, everyone I talked with said, you know, "Anne, you really have to exercise." And I thought, yeah, that's the last thing I want to do. I am not an athletic person, I don't want to exercise. But, you know, enough people told me to do it. And I was so desperate at one point. I was really having a hard time. It was after Evan's first hospitalization and I was really struggling. And then my husband was in a motorcycle accident and I just felt lost. And we moved into a neighborhood that had a Junior Olympic size pool. And so I started swimming four days a week. And I noticed such a drastic improvement in my mood. Medications didn't change. The exercise was the only thing that had changed. So that was one of the things that just blew my mind. You know, I was saying all the time I don't have time to exercise, but I always had time to watch "Law & Order", you know. I like SVU, 'cause I like crimes, especially heinous. But that made a huge difference and sleep. You know, it's a non-negotiable for me now, because I don't do well when I have less than seven or eight hours of sleep. And so I don't care what I have to do to make that happen. I very rarely go without it. - [Interviewer] Okay. So exercise and sleep are two biggies when it comes to self care. What else do you suggest? - [Interviewee] Sleep, exercise, diet, all those things are important for sure, but it doesn't have to be those. It can be taking 10 minutes to sit with and snuggle your dogs and drink coffee before looking at social media. Self care could be something as easy as not eating lunch at your desk. It could be as simple as strategically stopping during your day and taking three really deep breaths. It could be giving yourself the same grace and compassion you would give your best friend. You know, it could be not shooting on yourself: "We should, I should have done this. I should do this. I should be here. I should be that." And we shoot on ourselves all day long. Self care is going, you know what? I have permission to be human and know I'm enough. So it's really subtle things that you can do that end up making a very big difference.