RAIN

- [Instructor] The times when we're most caught in reactivity are the times we're least inclined to call on mindfulness. Let's say, you've just found out that your child was suspended from school or your boss is about to promote someone else to a role you expected to get, or a mistake you made put at risk an important project at work. At these times, it's hard to be present with the fear, or anger, or hurt we're feeling. And yet, without mindfulness, we run the risk of reacting and creating more conflict, and misunderstanding, and harm. Today, we'd like to share a mindfulness tool that offers in the trenches support for working with difficult emotions in any situation. It's an acronym, the acronym is RAIN, R-A-I-N, it will direct your attention in a clear, systematic way that helps cut through confusion and stress. So here are the four steps. The R of RAIN is recognize what's happening. The A of RAIN is allow life to be just as it is. The I of RAIN is investigate your experience with a gentle attention. And the N, nurture with kindness. Now, I'll explain these steps and we'll practice together. Back to the R again, recognize means noticing whatever thoughts, emotions, or sensations are arising right here and now. Often the question, what is happening inside me right now helps focus our attention in an immediate way. The A of RAIN, allowing, means letting be the thoughts, emotions, or sensations we discover. So even when the last thing we want is to feel the rawness of fear or helplessness, just having the attention to allow or let be helps us to pause and be present. For some, mentally whispering a phrase deepens the pause. It could be whispering, yes, sir, this too, or let it be. These are words that encourage us to give space to what's going on. So that's A, the allowing. I, investigate with gentleness, when an emotion's strong, we deepen mindfulness by bringing a curious, respectful attention to what's happening. Investigating is not a mental activity, we're not analyzing why we're behaving in a certain way, rather, investigating means inquiring, asking where the feelings are in our body and directly contacting the felt sense of our experience. Well, it might help to discover a limiting belief. Investigating primarily focuses on where we currently feel stuck or vulnerable, and what that part of us is most needing, that leads to the N. Now, the N of RAIN is nurture with kindness, which allows us to respond to what the vulnerable or stuck part of ourselves needs. Often, the unmet need is for acceptance care, compassion, forgiveness, or understanding. And when we offer some flavor of care inwardly, that allows us to reconnect with our resourcefulness and move on. With the N of RAIN, you might send a message of kindness or forgiveness, our understanding inwardly. Just as after a RAIN, the natural world blossoms, so it is that after you do the steps of RAIN, there's an inner opening, a healing, a realization. When you've completed the steps, it's essential to pause and simply rest on what you're experiencing. When RAIN is done fully, the story of self can be washed away, leaving a sense of aliveliness, immediacy, creativity, freedom. Even when RAIN is incomplete, you'll still notice a shift with less of a sense of a stuck self. Okay, an example of RAIN. One young man realized he was chronically annoyed with his coworkers and began to use RAIN when he'd been caught in animosity toward them. He'd recognize his inner judge lashing out at another person, and then he'd named that as blaming, that's the R of RAIN. Then he'd pause just allowing the whole felt sense of anger and blame to be there, that's the A. Then he began to investigate, sensing the way blame felt in his body, a kind of clutching and tension in his heart and throat. He noticed his belief that, well, if this person respected me, they wouldn't have done that, they wouldn't have spoken in that way. Part of investigation was to sense under that belief and contact the roots, the emotion of hurt, of feeling diminished. He also felt his own self aversion for being so insecure and reactive. Next, he'd practice the N of RAIN by offering a caring message to his own heart. He'd say, "It's okay, you can relax." With each round of practicing RAIN, he found us capacity to recognize and contact his experience becoming stronger and the self-kindness deeper, As he paused after after the steps, he felt the distinct shift. He no longer felt identified as a rejected or deficient person. Rather, he was resting in a much larger, more empowered sense of being. As this man experienced, at first, RAIN might not be necessarily complete. We can recognize and allow, investigate and nurture, but we might not arrive at that full sense of freedom and being on stock, but each round gradually deconditions the intensity of our reactivity and gives us more access to our natural intelligence and kindness. Now, just to know, RAIN isn't different from what you've been practicing in mindfulness daily at work. Rather, it's a useful strategy for slowing down and systematically bringing mindfulness and kindness to difficult emotions, to a stuck situation, you can do this on the spot and response to challenging situations, or you can practice RAIN as applied mindfulness during a meditation. So let's explore this together. Please, sit in a way that allows you to be comfortable and relaxed, and take a few moments to rest in the inflow and outflow of your breath. As you feel the movement of the breath just sense a natural settling, a calming of your body and mind. Now, bring to mind a situation in your work life where you feel really stuck, one that elicits feelings such as anger, fear, shame, or hurt, something that has a moderate charge not something traumatic. It may be a conflict with a work colleague, a habit you'd like to change, a failure, or a mistake that you feel that you've made, a conversation you now regret the triggers a lot of strong feelings. As you bring the situation to mind, take some moments to enter the experience so that you're visualizing the scene or situation. Try to remember the words that were spoken and let yourself sense the most distressing moments. We begin with the R of RAIN, recognizing what's happening. As you reflect on this situation, ask yourself, "What's happening inside me right now?" Taking a moment to recognize and become aware of your felt sense of the situation as a whole, contacting whatever emotions are predominant. After recognizing and contacting what's here, we go to the A of RAIN, allowing the situation to be just as it is. So finding the willingness to pause and accept that in these moments, it's like this, having the intention to just let it be, to let your experience be just as it is. Following the A or the allowing of RAIN, you begin to investigate with gentleness what's going on inside you. Bringing an attitude of interest or curiosity, you might ask, "What about this most wants my attention" What most wants my acceptance? What's the worst part of this?" Perhaps you might sense into, "What am I believing?" Maybe there's a distinct belief that you're in some way unlovable or that you're failing, or that someone will reject you. If you notice a core belief such as I feel unlovable, I believe I'm on lovable, then deep in the investigation to sense, how does that feel in my body? Come right into your body and feel the experience? What's the emotion that comes with it? Is it fear, anger, grief, shame. Continuing to investigate, bringing attention to your body senses and sensations that are there, perhaps there's heat, twisting, tightness, soreness. Allow yourself to investigate by going inside the place that feels most hurt or vulnerable. You might ask this place of vulnerability. "What do you most need? How do you want me to be with you?" There's the suffering part of you want acceptance, forgiveness, love. By investigating and sensing into what's most needed, you're ready to move into the N of RAIN, and perhaps bring some kindness to your own being by offering yourself a wise message, perhaps the phrase, "I'm sorry, and I love you." Or an energetic tender embrace, you might offer what's needed by experimenting, and very gently tenderly placing your hand on your heart, sense away that befriending your inner life can most convey a sense of kindness and care After allowing yourself to receive this kind presence, you might rest now in the aftermath of RAIN, the freedom of not being identified with the emotional pain, you're resting more in your natural compassionate awareness. After the steps of RAIN, there's nothing to do. Just rest in that sense of open-heartedness and presence. Know this natural awareness as the inner most truth of what you are (bell chimes) RAIN, as we mentioned, isn't a departure from our core mindfulness practice, but a form of application. When practiced regularly, it becomes an accessible and transformational tool for dealing with the challenges of life at work. Initially, practice the RAIN sequence in the comfort of your mindfulness sessions. As you become more confident with the sequence, you'll find it will naturally apply in real time at work.