Psychological space

- [Woman] Blink seven of nine. - [Man] If you're still uncomfortable with the idea of comforting yourself, don't worry. That's normal. Besides all those western notions of toughness we looked at in the previous blink, there's another reason why the practice of self-compassion seems so strange. - [Woman] The key message here is practicing self-compassion involves putting psychological space between yourself and your suffering. - [Man] When you give yourself a hug or engage in some other act of self comfort, you're essentially adopting two roles that are usually performed by separate people. In taking care of yourself, you are both the caregiver and the care receiver at the same time. Usually, you'd just be one or the other, and a second person would be on the opposite side of the equation. In a sense then, you're splitting yourself into two parts. There's the part of you that's suffering and receiving care, and there's also the part of you that's feeling compassion for your suffering and providing yourself with care. The second part of you has stepped outside of your pain, so to speak. It's concerned by and sympathetic toward your suffering, but it's separate from it in some sense. Thus, by comforting yourself, you'll no longer be completely absorbed by your suffering, you're creating some space between yourself and your pain. And in doing so, you're sending yourself an empowering message. "Yes, I'm suffering, but there's more to me than just that suffering. I'm also the emotions and actions of compassion that I am showing to myself right now. I am a comforter, not just a person in need of comfort." Mindfulness can also help us create some healthy space between ourselves and our suffering. By holding a negative emotion in mindful awareness, you're preventing yourself from getting completely absorbed by it. It's as if you're stopping in front of it, taking a step back and saying, "Ah, this is what I'm experiencing right now. It's just a passing feeling. It's not my entire reality." This might sound a little esoteric, but it's very important from a practical standpoint. If you're completely consumed by a negative emotion, it's hard to do anything about it. You simply don't have the mental space to look at your situation from another more objective angle. For example, if you're projecting stress onto everything around you, all you'll see is stress. The sensation will seem to be a part of your reality itself rather than a reaction you're having to your reality. By practicing mindfulness, you can regain your perspective and think about your situation more clearly. You won't just be carried away by thoughts like, "Oh, everything is so stressful right now." And that will put you in a better position to solve the problems that are causing you the stress in the first place.