Prevent and recover from job search missteps

- The active part of job searching is nerve-wracking. Really, how many of us look forward to networking calls and interviews? Having some false starts or an unconventional resume can only make us more nervous, and these nerves can make even the littlest misstep, a mispronounced name, a forgotten fact, a lost wifi connection, feel like a big gaffe. I've been interviewing candidates for nearly three decades, all levels, all industries, and rarely do they perform flawlessly. They're nervous, they're in unfamiliar territory and frankly, I'm a pretty tough audience. So assuming you'll make a few mistakes along your job search journey, it's important to know this. What matters to me, the hiring manager, recruiter or network connection, isn't that you make a mistake. Rather, it's how you recover from that mistake that matters. Years ago, I interviewed a man who was returning to work after a three-year break to care for his parents. Tom and I clicked right away. He must've done some good sleuthing to figure out that we're both musicians, so he wove music into our interview, making the conversation flow easily. Still, he was nervous. Sweaty brow, wet armpits nervous. About halfway through our interview, a highly animated Tom knocked over the teacup on my desk with one big hand gesture. Other than a few wet files, the damage was minimal, to my desk anyway, but the damage to Tom was irrecoverable. He was so worried about the spill, so overly apologetic, he never regained his footing, and our promising interview ended flat and fast. Tom fell into what I call the gratitude and apology trap. He spent too much time apologizing for his misstep and thanking me for my time, patience and forgiveness and too little time making the case for why I should hire him. The gratitude and apology trap is a common pitfall for those facing obstacles in a job search. When you feel exceedingly grateful that someone's giving you a chance, and so apologetic for the slightest misstep along the way, when your conversations are riddled with I'm sorrys and thank yous, you're showing that you lack the two most important qualities every hiring manager in every field and function is looking for, confidence and resilience. So let's fix that. First, some prevention. The person on the other side of the desk, phone, or webcam has been in your shoes. They, like virtually all professionals, networked and interviewed for the job they now hold. They too have made mistakes. Your mistakes, therefore, are no big deal. More importantly, with your unique skills and experience, you can help them solve their pressing business problems. They need you. They're lucky to be meeting you. So while you're grateful for the opportunity to meet them, they are grateful too. There is great power in these two facts. If you know and believe them, then you won't fall into the gratitude and apology trap. Second is recovery. A mistake is an opportunity to show off your confidence and resilience. Tom didn't lose points for spilling my tea. He lost points for how he reacted. Here's how the situation with Tom could have gone a bit smoother. He would apologize once, help me clean up, throw in some humor if it felt natural and appropriate, something like, "Thanks Nona for teaching me to talk with my hands," and then pick up the story where he left off, minus the hand gestures. A thank you note with a box of tea would have been a nice touch too, a little humor and a lot of moxie. Here's my rule for networking and interviewing. Remember and show your worth by allowing yourself one apology per interaction, and only for a legitimate mistake, and two thank yous. One at the beginning and one at the end. Focus the rest and most of the conversation convincing the folks on the other side of the desk or phone why they'd be crazy not to hire you.