Navigating difficult conversations

- Engaging in difficult conversations is uncomfortable for many reasons, but it doesn't have to be if you take the right approach. A growth mindset gives you the roadmap to manage challenging conversations with clarity and composure. This mindset understands and accepts that there will always be bumps in the road. We all encounter the inevitable challenges, but when you enter those spaces with care and check your emotions at the door, then the outcome has a higher probability of success. So let's talk about how to practice a growth mindset in a difficult conversation to build better relationships and positive outcomes. The key to this approach is to stick to the facts, approach the conversation with compassionate curiosity, and in your preparation, don't allow negative emotions to distract you with thoughts of the worst case scenario. Listen to this example from one of my clients, Janet, who had to navigate a difficult meeting with her employee, Mark, who was repeatedly coming in late. - [Janet] Mark, I've noticed you've missed three deadlines in the last month and you've been coming in late, two or sometimes three times a week. - [Mark] I'm sorry. I know Janet. - [Janet] This is out of the norm. So I just wanted to check in and find out if everything is okay. - Janet began with a neutral statement of truth. I've noticed you've missed X amount of deadlines followed by a compassionate question. Is everything okay? The way Janet entered the conversation was fantastic. When she started, she simply stated facts. See, often when we enter a difficult conversation, we're shooting from the hip with highly emotional statements full of frustration or discontent which automatically puts the other person on the defense. If you enter a conversation attacking someone, they will immediately shut down and it won't be productive. If you stick to the facts without exaggerating the truth, then you address the problem clearly without confusion or added tension. After stating the issue, Janet's compassionate curiosity is what really set the tone for the discussion. She didn't state the problem and then start berating Mark. She was curious and asked a question. Why is curiosity so powerful? Because when you ask someone a question, it offers a pause, a moment to reflect. And when your curiosity is genuinely compassionate, it sets them at ease so they can respond with clarity. As I mentioned, this example was taken from a client of mine In their discussion, Mark revealed that his spouse had recently been diagnosed with significant health issues. Together, they worked out a plan to help Mark manage his time between work and appointments. This took some creativity, flexibility, and empathy but at the end of the meeting, they both felt confident and comfortable with the plan moving forward. Now let's briefly address your preparation for a difficult conversation. Don't get stuck in the quicksand of negative thinking because you're imagining the worst case scenario from the meeting. Leading up to the conversation, Janet ruminated on a handful of unfavorable scenarios. She imagined Mark's sour attitude when she addressed the issue and even prepared her, "If this isn't the place for you" speech in her head over and over. She lost precious time and wasted way too much energy speculating how the conversation would go. Like Janet, we create these stories in our head also. And it's usually based on our emotions and limited perception. In your preparation, if you notice your thoughts are anxious or laced with negativity, gently release them and bring yourself back to the present. You can do this by simply telling yourself, "I don't know all of the facts and I will remain open without judgment." This statement will help shift your mind to a more calm and neutral state. If you want to really shake things up, instead of visualizing the worst case scenario, try envisioning the best case scenario. This is a great mental exercise. And while it takes a little effort upfront, it's much less stressful and more enjoyable than assuming the worst. The next time you find yourself preparing for a difficult conversation, focus on what you can control instead of what you can't. Pay attention to the thoughts you're replaying in your head. And if you notice they're negative, stop and shift to a more productive way of thinking.