Leveling the power dynamic

- What picture comes to mind when you think about advocating your needs? In a famous study by Linda Babcock and her team at Carnegie Mellon, men said a ball game while women cited a root canal. Provocative, right? Whatever your go-to visual is for standing up for yourself, I can tell you it's driving the power balance in your conversations more than you think. A picture becomes our outlook and outlook steers our behavior. If we signal to our counterpart they have all the power, we cut our own argument short and we give in too easily. It can also feel bad to give away your power, kind of like a root canal. For most of us, advocating our needs with an authority figure is uniquely intimidating. If that sounds at all like you, it's okay. I'll show you how to break through three limiting mindsets with moves that balance the power dynamic in the room. That way, you can maintain your poise and your power. The first thing you might struggle with is hierarchy. This is where you emphasize your counterpart's higher position or clout and conclude you're less than. And let me tell you, it doesn't serve you. A better mindset is to focus on the fact that you're equals. Be respectful but firm, speak in a peer-to-peer style. Use communal terms like lets and why don't we rather than strictly I or you phrases. In doing this, you're setting a tone that you're collaborating, co-developing a solution to a problem. You have equal voices. This style shows confidence and it commands respect from the other side. The second mindset focuses on ability. Here there's a belief that they know more about this than me or they have all the answers and it can cause you to give up your power. You can overcome this by becoming the smartest in the room about whatever it is you're asking for. If you're pitching that the company should provide lactation rooms for new moms for example, you should become an unofficial expert on lactation rooms. Research competitors that have them and how they make them available. You instantly level the power with an authority figure when you're the most informed on the subject at hand. The third mindset focuses on appeasement. If your counterpart makes a decision you don't like, you have to go along with it, right? Wrong. If you get an unsatisfying answer, you can do more than just accept it. Directly challenge a no by expressing your displeasure as in, I'm really disappointed to hear you don't think I'm ready for more responsibility. Then, ask pointed questions about your counterpart's conclusion. When you do this, you're not accepting their answer outright. You're probing to understand their reasoning with questions like, can you share the rationale behind that decision? These tactics help you avoid totally yielding, maintaining your voice and your power. There's a great saying, if you put somebody up on a pedestal, don't be surprised if they start to look down on you. Before you can make a consistent impact with your ideas, you have to check your mindset. By making some simple mental shifts, you can change the tone of a conversation equalizing the power dynamic. Then you can stand up for what's rightfully yours.