How to Network When You Don't Like Networking

- [Interviewer] Deborah, I understand that you identify as a strong introvert, and yet you are now doing all sorts of speeches and writing about networking. What is the story here? - [Deborah] Networking is not exclusively for extroverts, I've discovered. So it started off when I was teaching a lot of seminars and building connections and creating new relationships and sustaining businesses. And I suddenly realized that all the so-called excellent networking advice didn't work for me and I started doing the opposite. And who would have ever guessed, it's a whole new method of networking that works for many people. As a matter of fact, the majority of people, traditional networking advice does not resonate with them and they do far better, myself included, by honoring who they are and accepting their natural temperament. - [Interviewer] Okay, well so then that's intriguing. And so, what would be an example of honoring your natural temperament versus violating it? - [Deborah] So traditional advice says get out there as much as possible, constant contact, never eat a meal alone. And that kind of advice makes most of us want to run and hide, crash and burn, (laughs) and proclaim ourselves to hate networking and be terrible at it. So instead, if you work with understand who you are and then create a system that honors how you get energy. For example, introverts get energy alone, whereas extroverts get energy with others. - [Interviewer] Certainly. Well, so then could we hear of some cool case stories associated with folks who tackled some of those approaches and saw fantastic results? - [Deborah] Sure, I'll give one about myself when I wanted to get my book published for the first time. So, I was at a conference and there were about 40 different publishers there, and so traditional wisdom would say, "Meet all of them, "because that will maximize the possibility "that you'll hit it off with one of them." But I knew, as an introvert, that that would drain me, and that it would also feel really inauthentic so I wouldn't be bringing my best foot forward. So instead, I did research in advance, which I always recommend people do. Found and identified one publisher that I thought would be a really perfect fit. Had one meeting at the conference. And I was the only person they signed out of 16,000 people. And we're working together 10 or 12 years later. So it really shows, as one little example, that instead of saying I should do something. Like, I should go out there and meet with everyone. I should try and spend as much time with as many different publishers as possible. Instead to say, I'm going to follow what feels authentic and seek out where I think there's a real connection.