Fred and Angeli: Negotiating

- [Narrator] Let's see in the conversation with Angelie how I role played explaining to Alice that the file system doesn't work for me. - I would imagine alphabetizing them it has worked for me. But is there a problem because there may be something that makes it like not, not really profitable in your case. What do you think? - No I think alphabetizing would be fine as long as I have the space to put everything to be able to see them. - Totally. - [Angelie] Right? - Okay. What I hear is so far we haven't created that space. That's my counter remit. Sounds perfect. And we'll do it together. - Okay - Let's make the space. I have the resources to make the space and try the alphabetizing. That maybe with this space you would figure that there's another problem, We'll explore it but let's take the first step. Can we do it like that? We'll make the space and buy the materials required for that and then you'll alphebetize and we'll check in next week? See how it goes. - Right - So why are you smiling? - (laughs) I don't know, I just, it's an interesting conversation. It just feel like you're suggesting, it's the suggestion, right. - [Angelie] And she still has to buy into it. - Totally - And that's fine. - Or maybe should come back with a better idea. Maybe chronological makes more sense. - Exactly. - Exactly. - Now I want to show you the bite because it looks like so soft but there's an edge to this. I'd like it to be unreasonable. Like I don't know play it out. Maybe she hasn't said that. No I'm not going to do it, I don't want to do it. - And that's it - That's it yeah - Let's try that because then I'm going to be a little harder. Not bossy in my opinion but yet more assertive. And I'd like to just also give you a taste of that energy. So yeah how about this suggestion to alphabetize them? - Yeah it's not going to work - Okay I understand. What I'd like to know is why not? - Because I know where everything is and it's just going to take too much time to put them in order. - I'm not doing it. - Okay. - Well whether you do it or not I'd rather not get into that conversation yet because we're talking about good ideas. I mean let's just say you're just not going to do it because you're not going to do it. If it's a good idea you still refuse to do it for the sake of opposing me? Or are you saying, I'm not going to do it because it's not a good idea. - No I think it's not a good idea. - Okay. Then we're stuck on whether it's a good idea. Because if it's a good idea then you would do it, would you? - I would do it. - Okay so we're on the same page. - Right - Very good. Pause. Did you notice that? - [Angelie] Mm hmm - It's hard to be unreasonable. - Right. - Just not going to do it. Why not? But if it's not a good idea, not doing it, reasonable. If it's a good idea not doing it, now you're looking bad to yourself. No I can't say that. - Right - Let's take a step back. - So finding that other choice. - [Angelie] Finding that other motivation-- - On the merits of the case. It's the merits of the case. It's saying let's get it out of this ego battle, I'm going to do it not going to do it, nah, what is that? No. We're trying to be effective together. In good tone. And I'm not going to push you to do something unreasonable. But don't push me back that you're not going to do something reasonable. That's not acceptable. - Right - I mean if a person tells me that no I'm just not going to do it because I'm not going to do it now we have a different conversation. But most people know that that would be hard to justify that kind of statement. But I say look it might not be a good idea and it's not a good idea I would never ask you to do it. Next time you have a disagreement instead of jumping to solution try asking the other person why is that important to you? Why is that important to you? What do you expect to get from that? And then listen to them in the way we describe. And then explain to them what is important to you. And what you expect to get. See what happens.