Focusing on a new perspective

- The words we use can trap us or propel us. They can keep us feeling overwhelmed or help us to move forward. Although it may feel a bit uncomfortable at first, talking to ourselves with a new, kinder tone can really shift our internal state of calm and confidence. The words we use have energy associated with them. And the tone can change our emotional state in the moment and over time. Listen to a few examples of what you could say in a difficult situation and notice how different they feel. I am so overwhelmed. Or, I'm feeling really challenged by this. I am so stressed. Or, this is a difficult experience that I'm going through. I am so busy. Or, I have a lot going on right now. The first statements have a negative tone and kind of a permanence to them, as if the difficult situation is somehow our fault or part who we are. I am overwhelmed. I am stressed. Or, I am busy. Wow, as I say those now, I realize just how often I found myself saying these things to myself and to other people over the years. All you have to do is pay attention for a few minutes to what people are talking about around you, and it's like you're hearing or maybe even saying the same things, too. The problem is when we say these things, it's like we're taking personal ownership of our experiences making it part of who we are or our identity somehow. We change the energy of it from being short-term and activating to chronic and debilitating. And over time, overwhelm is a natural result. Take a moment to think about how you might be labeling your experiences and see if you tend to make them personal or permanent. Consider ways you might change your perspective and use different words that could leave room to feel challenged instead of threatened. I call this exercise Paying Attention to Triggers and Tamers. You can take a sheet of paper and actually write the words Trigger and Tamer at the top of two columns. Under the word Trigger, see if you can identify any words you're using or have used in the past that could cause you to feel overwhelmed. Then see if there's a creative way to frame the situation with a more calming word, which you'd list next to it under the Tamer column. Now, this isn't meant to ignore or minimize problems in life, but to exercise our brain's ability to be open, flexible, and creative. And the more we practice thinking and talking in these new ways, the better we're able to navigate challenges when they arise. And we know they will. Your words won't make the situation change, but they will give your brain a new lens through which to see them, and more flexibility and creativity to move through them without overwhelm.