From the course: Leading with Kindness and Strength

Empathy as a tool

From the course: Leading with Kindness and Strength

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Empathy as a tool

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- In this chapter, we're going to talk about empathy. It's so important in every interaction that you're in to try to get into the other person's head to really understand what motivates them, what they value, what they need to get out of the conversation. When you use empathy at that level, it's absolutely the best way to get to a win win outcome because you're showing the person that you care about them and that will allow them to trust you. As negotiating expert, Bill Ury says, "The effective negotiators I know are excellent listeners who know how to put themselves in the other side's shoes." I think about times when I worked at a big company like Time, Inc, and the company was in the middle of getting a deal done with an outside party, but then both sides just got completely stuck. And I would get asked to come in to try to get it unstuck and I would just start by asking the other party a simple question, "What's important to to you? "What do you need to get out of this?" And I would actively listen and guess what? The conversation would get unstuck just by simply asking questions and showing that you care and listening. So believe it or not, empathy is actually a strategy. In addition to negotiating, there are four other interactions that I talk about in the book where empathy is really productive and effective. The first is disagreeing. If you disagree in a way that's respectful of the other person's point of view, you will be more likely to come to a shared understanding. Asking for a raise, it's not just about why you deserve it, but why is it in the best interest of the company to retain you. Networking, not just making it about what you would like to get out of the meeting, but how can you be helpful to the person that you're networking with. And giving feedback, which is the central theme of our next practice. (gentle music)

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