From the course: How to Develop Friendships and Connect Meaningfully with Work Colleagues

Clarifying and enforcing boundaries with over steppers

From the course: How to Develop Friendships and Connect Meaningfully with Work Colleagues

Start my 1-month free trial

Clarifying and enforcing boundaries with over steppers

“

- When you're in sync with each other sometimes nothing improves a work day more than a good friend. They can make you laugh, remind you of what's important and give you encouragement. But what about the times friendship isn't harmonious, when your friend isn't honoring your need or desire, and how about when your friend is making it harder for you to bring your best to work, not easier. One of the most important things we can do with the work friend is to address when a boundary gets trampled. See, the ability to set boundaries is about identifying a limit and then voicing your need to others. It's also about taking action if the boundary you've shared isn't respected. Let's walk through two common scenarios that highlight a broken boundary and an approach for reasserting that boundary, by learning these responses you can confidently manage one of the trickier sides of work friendships. Imagine your close work friend is going through a hard breakup. They are messaging you, texting you and emailing you about their issues frequently to the point that it's affecting your ability to focus on your work. In this case, you can share how the frequent updates are affecting you, you could also give them a window when you would like to hear from them. This way, they're clearly hearing what's not working and what you're expecting going forward. An example might be, "I'm unfortunately having a really hard time getting my work done with all the text, chats and messages. Can you check in with me at either 8:00 or 5:00 p.m. during the week so we can be sure to connect?" In another scenario, picture a good friend in your department who's buried with work. As they try to manage their load, they keep coming to you for little favors, but those little favors are adding up. Even though your friends you're feeling resentful that you're doing so much, like you're being dumped on. Here you can start to set a limit with your friend by quantifying what you've done already and keeping it fact-based. Then be clear that is too much to continue, and if you like suggest another way they could meet your need. Then there's a clear shift in what behavior needs to change. An example might be, "I notice I'm the person you're coming to for project help. I cannot offer this help going forward though, so I want to suggest you try." All of us get it wrong sometimes but by directly telling your friend your needs, you give them a chance to correct an issue. With practice, you just might start to see limit setting as the ultimate form of respect and open communication.

Contents