Build resilience as a job seeker

- There's no silver bullet to overcome the hurt of rejection. And without question, rejection will be a part of your job search journey. Whether it's a networking call that never gets returned or losing that dream job after three rounds of interviews, pain is a part of this process. How we handle that pain is what matters. And this four-step resilience-building strategy will help you handle it well. Step one, take a minute. Before you build a resilient response, you have to allow yourself to feel and express that wave of pain, to let it have its beginning, middle, and end. How and with whom you express that pain are critical. It's human nature to bury a bad feeling, allowing it to eventually run us. For example, in our recent career relaunch course, a student who was seeking a job in finance asked her former manager to review her resume. She had great pride in her resume and respect for the colleague. So, when he came back to her with some not-so-great feedback, Lori, our student, felt embarrassed and rejected. Her emotions surfaced on our group call, and we could see that the sting of rejection had stopped her from moving forward altogether. By openly sharing her emotions, Lori took the first step towards getting back on track. We were a safe audience who had earned the right to bear witness to her emotions. You must choose carefully who has earned the right to witness yours. You're not losing it on a call to a recruiter, or in Lori's case with her former manager. No, people who help you through the low points must be trustworthy. They are invested in you and your success, like we were with Lori. Once she expressed her feelings, Lori was able to move on to step two. Step two, reality check your story. Your brain is hardwired for story, and it doesn't care if the story you're telling it is true or not. When you face rejection of any kind, your brain will wrap a story around the hurt caused by the rejection or perceived rejection. This can be a real trap for a job seeker. After our call, Lori decided to reach out to her former manager to ask for specific feedback beyond meh. This took courage on Lori's part, but it was the best thing she could have done. "I guess I was just having a bad day "and it didn't wow me at first," he replied, "but actually, it's really solid." All that negative storytelling, those feelings of failure, the stalled momentum, it vanished with one email. If you find yourself in a situation like Lori's and you're headed down that storytelling rabbit hole, stop and take your power back by researching these questions. Is this story true? What can I do to check the reality? Knowing yourself status is always better than guessing about it and getting stuck in a negative loop. Use your resources to determine if there's any truth to the story you're telling yourself. Often, most of the time, there isn't. Step three, take stock. Create a list of what's going well in your job search. Maybe you've increased your LinkedIn connections by 25%. Look for and acknowledge the progress you've made. Read old performance reviews, thank you notes and cards to fill your head with all of the good things people have to say about you and let their voices balance or cancel out any negative voices you hear. Step four, set good expectations. You will be rejected in the job search, so expect to be told no or not now. Don't let it be a surprise. Remember, landing a job is a numbers game, so that no you just got has brought you that much closer to getting a yes. There's an organization out there that is dying to hire someone like you. Tell yourself this and believe it.