Beginning interactions

- The Spartans of ancient Greece, a warrior culture, were famously concise. Steven Pressfield shares the story that once, a Spartan general captured a city and sent home a note that said, "City taken." He was fined for been too wordy. The Spartan elders said "taken" would have sufficed. That works for the Spartans, but it's not for us. When beginning interactions, avoid typical one or two word responses. How are you? I'm fine, you? Okay. Not okay. Beginnings set a tone, a precedent. First impressions matter. There is no connection that comes from generic, mechanical, scripted back-and-forths. No spark of life. No connective energy. No light ignites. Here is a guideline. If you want to connect, don't start with two worthless words. Start with two significant sentences. Give more of your genuine self to connect with. Here's how to do it. When they ask anything like, "how are you?", respond with something genuinely meaningful that happened to you in the last 24 hours. Use my Like, Laugh, Learn method. Use something in the last 24 hours that you liked, made you laugh, or helped you learn something that matters to you. I say the last 24 hours because that way you always have something fresh and different to share, even with someone you saw yesterday. So when the "how's it going?" question comes, don't just say, "I'm great." Say something like, "I'm great. I just heard a story about something incredible that happened on a Southwest Airlines flight. Can I tell you?" Of course that person will say yes. Don't you want to know, too? And you tell them, and now you're immediately having a real conversation, connecting on a deeper level. That airline thing is a real example. It's one of my Like Laugh Learns. In case you're wondering, here's the rest, briefly. It's from an interview I heard with management thinker Tom Peters. He was waiting to board a flight and the crew was running behind but hurrying because being on time was a priority for Southwest Airlines. As the pilot was hustling past the gate, he noticed a woman in a wheelchair waiting to board. He stopped and said, "Would you mind if I took you down the jetway?" She said yes, and he helped her. Peters said he's taken about 7,500 flights and it was the first time he'd ever seen anything like that in his life. It's not much different in the beginning of conversations. You'll stand out as distinctive and genuine if you share something personally meaningful instead of a bland generic mini-phrase. What you start with doesn't have to be exactly two sentences. Just avoid the two word thing when you want to connect. It is more genuine, attention-getting, memorable. It invites follow-up questions, and leads to a better conversation. When you want to connect, instead of two worthless words, start with two significant sentences. Don't go on Spartan autopilot. Share one of your Like Laugh Learns, or something else that shows the real you. In the Tom Peters example, even that pilot didn't go on autopilot when he was stressed and running behind. As Peters added, it's the human stuff you remember that sticks in your mind for days, for years, for decades. When you begin interactions, be a human. Share your stuff.