Ask what or how, not why

- [Man] I would say this. There's a lot of big people out there saying really important things about it's crucial to understand the why. And when it comes to listening, why can feel judgmental. When you ask a lot of why-based questions at the beginning of a dialogue where you have low trust or low relationship with somebody, please be careful. Whether it's FBI hostage negotiators I've spoken to or telephone by suicide counselors, why questions are loaded with judgment. And when you ask somebody so why do you do that at your company, you can achieve exactly the same result by simply asking them how does the approval process work at your organization, as opposed to oh, why does your company do approvals that way? Same question, very different orientation. And I think for a lot of us, what we're not listening to is the actual way we're dialoguing ourselves, and we need to be asking more how and what-based questions and a…