Join Chris Croft for an in-depth discussion in this video Planning a second meeting, part of Learning to Be Assertive.
- Now a really useful assertiveness concept is that it's never too late to go back. Sometimes, in fact probably quite often, you wish you'd said something at the time, but you missed your chance. The good news is that it's okay. You can go back and have another go. And in fact, it's probably going to work better. You'll probably be stronger when you've had a chance to plan and then go back. For example, suppose somebody shouts at you in the office and you don't know what to say. You're so surprised, you let them get away with it.
You could go away, you could plan your words, and then you could go back in and just quietly say to them, "I was thinking about earlier "when you had that go at me, and I just think it was "a bit rude to do it like that, and maybe next time "you could talk to me quietly offline "rather than in front of everybody else." Maybe there's a small but regular insult that you get from somebody or something bad that they do to you. Why not quietly just sit down, plan how you're going to tell them, pick a moment that suits you, and go for it.
Because if you think about it, when they first attack you, it's probably a moment that suits them. It probably doesn't suit you. But with this, you can choose the right moment for you. So have you had anything recently that you're still thinking about, maybe even seething about? And maybe for that, it'd be a good idea to sit down, make a plan, go back to them, and get closure on it.
- Identifying your current mindset
- Avoiding the passive-aggressive trap
- Reducing negative emotions
- Handling everyday putdowns
- Learning to disagree by questioning
- Knowing the most effective words to use