Join Arianna Huffington for an in-depth discussion in this video Knowing your boundaries and limitations, part of Thriving @ Work: Leveraging the Connection between Well-Being and Productivity.
- When I do workshops, what I will find often is, when I ask people what's a pain point for them, for example, they'll tell me, "When I'm home, I'm with my family, "and I'm looking at my phone, "and I'm feeling extreme guilt "because this is the people that I want to be with, "and yet, here I am with my phone or my computer." And one of the challenges around that is the question why. Why would you, if you know, that the most important thing to you is your kids, and your wife, or your husband, or your partner, why would you not then, take time and do that? Why don't you create boundaries around phone in the bedroom, when you know that it doesn't allow you to sleep very well? What we found over and over again is there's an underline belief that gets in the way of people creating those kinds of boundaries.
And the belief is that their value is in what they do. So if my value is in what I do, and I believe that if I do the right thing, then I'm proving value, valuable, then what happens is that people won't create those boundaries because they're still looking to prove their value externally. We find them, in our workshops people will talk about their frustration of a ping coming in at two or three in the morning, they look at it then go I can wait 'til tomorrow, and then here comes two or three answers from their colleagues and it's like, "Oh geez, now I have to answer." Because again, they have to prove their value in relationship to their colleagues.
So creating boundaries is starting to realize that my value isn't in what I do. My value is in who I am. And when you really start to make that shift, then you can create boundaries, you can say, "Wait a minute. "from 6:00 p.m. to 9:30, I'm just with my family. "I'm going to put my phone down, "I'm going to put my computer down, "and I'm going to be with my kids and my partners, "I'm going to do that, and then at 9:30, "when everyone is in bed, I'm going to check in again, "that's okay, but I want to create that space "so that they realize that they are "the most important thing in my life." I hear over, and over, and over again.
People saying, my daughter, my son, said to me, "I'd love to be with you but you are always on your phone." And when they hear that, the pain that happens in them when they realize that, you know, they're right. My kids, I'm with my kids but I'm not with my kids. Or I'm with my partner, but I'm not with my partner. And when we're attached to proving our value, those things become much more difficult to, to set aside and boundaries become more difficult to create.
I tell people all the time, "You're creating your environment."
- The importance of well-being
- Bringing your whole self to work
- Knowing your boundaries and limitations
- Investing in your relationships
- Working towards your strengths
- Knowing when to say no
- Holding yourself accountable to change