Join Fred Kofman for an in-depth discussion in this video Explaining your reasoning, part of Fred Kofman on Managing Conflict.
- Once you state your view, taking responsibility for it saying, "this is what I think in the nontoxic way," you can explain to the other person why you think that way. What leads you to think that way, what's your reason to feel the way you do? That gives the other person a window on to your perspective. The difficulty here is that most of us explain in an argumentative manner, like we want to convince the other person that we're right and they're wrong.
So the explanation comes across as pushy, comes across as an argument to prove the point, instead of saying, "no, I'd like to understand "where I'm coming from." So that's the switch. Instead of explaining your view as though you know you're right and you're trying to convince the other person they need to change their mind, you explain your view as, "this is what I think so far, "and I'd like to explain it to you, "so if I'm wrong you can correct me. "And if I'm not wrong, then you can take it into account "to modify your view." And that's the second step in explaining, so I state my view in a individual way, like this is my personal perspective, this is why I hold this personal perspective.
And the third part is, here's what I'd like to do with it, or here's what I propose what we could do about this. So in a sense, you start in the present, "this is what I think." You go to the past, "this is why I think what I think." And then you move into the future, "this is what I propose to do about what I think." And those are the three steps of speaking openly. The fourth and last step is to turn it back to the other person and say, "what do you think?", and then you give them a chance to reflect about what you said.
That creates the transition to the next point of the conversation which is a dialogue. Step one was to create the purpose. Step two was to have them explain their view in a way that you can understand. Step three is for you to explain you view in a way they can understand. And step four is going to be the dialogue of negotiation, where both people understanding one another, trying to find a mutual gain.
This course is the first in a series with LinkedIn influencers, a select group of highly influential entrepreneurs, creative thinkers, global leaders, and policy makers chosen to share their thoughts with LinkedIn members. Keep the conversation going. Share these ideas with your own friends and followers.