Join Brenda Bailey-Hughes for an in-depth discussion in this video Effective listening in action, part of Effective Listening.
- Now watch Brenda and I demonstrate a situation of a frustrated speaker, and a stellar listener in action. I play the role of department head, and I just came out of a staff meeting that was not very productive. My acting may be a little bit over the top, but watch her reactions and actions. She puts all the listening behaviors to play masterfully. - So, that was a colossal waste of two hours in the meeting, and do you want to know what happened? Ask me what the vote was, ask me what -- - [Brenda] Okay, what was the vote? - [Tatiana] Five for the decision, and 15 against the decision.
I don't know what we're going to do, I don't know what's going to happen. - [Brenda] Okay, wait a minute, do you think we're going to need to act on this later, or should I just sort of take all of this in. - [Tatiana] Act? We'll probably go jump off a cliff, because now -- - [Brenda] Come on... - [Tatiana] Yes, we have to start from scratch. - [Brenda] Tell me more, I'm gonna listen, go. - [Tatiana] Okay, so you knew that we had prepared them, they had all the information, and they told us that they were for this vote. So now, 15 of them vote against it. We have to start from scratch. I don't know...
- [Brenda] What do you think happened? - [Tatiana] Bad communication. I don't know, how could they not have known about this? And how could they be so influenced against it? So what do we tell the staff? We have to start the entire strategic process from the beginning. That's what I know. - [Brenda] Oh my goodness, so you're freaked out that the vote went so differently than you expected it to, and mainly you're worried about how to move forward -- - [Tatiana] Yeah, I was blind-sided and now I feel like I'm paralyzed.
How are we gonna move forward, and how will we communicate this to the staff? What are we supposed to do? - [Brenda] Yeah, so the communication to them is going to be -- - [Tatiana] I don't know, I don't know, two hours in there, so back and forth, back and -- - [Brenda] What a waste of your time. - [Tatiana] I don't know what to do. - [Brenda] I don't either. - The effect of listening behaviors we listed may seem easy to talk about, but hard to do. We challenge you to assess yourself and your colleagues. How many people do you encounter that paraphrase appropriately? Who does the best job matching emotion when you share something with them? Identifying the behaviors is the first step to becoming a great listener.
What we would like for you to do next, is to practice, practice, practice, at weddings, kids events, family get-togethers, staff meetings, boring speeches, everywhere. See if you can ask open-ended questions that get others to start talking. Then, listen attentively, while your words and actions say, "I am here with you 100 percent."
- Recalling details
- Avoiding distractions and the feeling of being overwhelmed
- Clarifying your role
- Using attentive nonverbal cues
- Paraphrasing what was said
- Matching emotions and mirroring